Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at...

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at...

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That...

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That...

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good...

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good...

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...