I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Quote by Dylan Moran

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Driving Quotes

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear...

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear...

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

Dont clap Im not a jazz band for Christs sake.

Dont clap Im not a jazz band for Christs sake.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly...

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly...

The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.

The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine...

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a...

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

Red meat is not bad for you

Red meat is not bad for you

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.

The worst vice of the solitary is the worship of his food.

The worst vice of the solitary is the worship of his food.

A Big Mac - the communion wafer of consumption

A Big Mac - the communion wafer of consumption