I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Quote by Dylan Moran

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Driving Quotes

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me...

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me...

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine...

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine...

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger...

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger...

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly...

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly...

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear...

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear...

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom,...

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom,...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm...

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

Red meat is not bad for you

Red meat is not bad for you

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I...

Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I...

I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.

I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.