Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Fred Allen Quotes

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you...

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can...

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of...

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of...

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the...

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the...

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people...

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people...

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just...

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just...