I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them...

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them...

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of...

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of...

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

The weariest and most loathed worldly life, that age, ache, penury and imprisonment can lay...

The weariest and most loathed worldly life, that age, ache, penury and imprisonment can lay...

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...