It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realise how often they burst into flames

Quote by Harry Hill

Topics: Funny Quotes

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

There are few things that we so unwillingly give up, even in advanced age, as...

There are few things that we so unwillingly give up, even in advanced age, as...

It is old age, rather than death, that is to be contrasted with life. Old...

It is old age, rather than death, that is to be contrasted with life. Old...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the...

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the...

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100...

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100...

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out...

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is...

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is...

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...