Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Quote by Fulton Sheen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Religious Quotes

Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.

Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer...

You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer...

The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.

Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.

Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Five-second fuses only last three seconds.

Five-second fuses only last three seconds.

I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time.

I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Left hand, right hand, it doesnt matter. Im amphibious.

Left hand, right hand, it doesnt matter. Im amphibious.

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words...

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words...

The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death...

The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death...

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when...

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife....

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife....