Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Quote by Fulton Sheen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Religious Quotes

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose...

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

We are all geniuses up to the age of ten.

We are all geniuses up to the age of ten.

NBC - no body cares.

NBC - no body cares.

Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You...

Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You...

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then...

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then...

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you...

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you...

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but...

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but...

I am definitely not scared of Mike Tyson. I am at the top of the...

I am definitely not scared of Mike Tyson. I am at the top of the...

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise...

Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise...

The sanitary and mechanical age we are now entering makes up for the mercy it...

The sanitary and mechanical age we are now entering makes up for the mercy it...

Minneapolis has two seasons: Road Removal and Snow Repair.

Minneapolis has two seasons: Road Removal and Snow Repair.

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well...

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well...

When you're too religious, you tend to point your finger to judge instead of extending...

When you're too religious, you tend to point your finger to judge instead of extending...

When god created the horse, he said to the magnificent creature: I have made thee...

When god created the horse, he said to the magnificent creature: I have made thee...