If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Quote by Sam Levenson

Topics: Death Quotes, Funny Quotes

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking...

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking...

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts...

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts...

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts...

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts...

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen...

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen...

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen...

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen...

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I...

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I...

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a...

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a...

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only...

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only...

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen...

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen...

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator...

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator...

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful...

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful...

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and...

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and...

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch...

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch...