On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

Quote by H Allen Smith

Topics: H Allen Smith Quotes

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions...

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

Mmmmmmm. donuts/beer/erotic cakes.

Mmmmmmm. donuts/beer/erotic cakes.

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Their marketing strategy had to be changed to the young people. That's who buys the...

Their marketing strategy had to be changed to the young people. That's who buys the...

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Are you watching the weather channel? There's a drunk-front coming in, with a chance of...

Are you watching the weather channel? There's a drunk-front coming in, with a chance of...

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

You can never buy beer, you just rent it.

You can never buy beer, you just rent it.