The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists.

Quote by H Allen Smith

Topics: H Allen Smith Quotes

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Are you watching the weather channel? There's a drunk-front coming in, with a chance of...

Are you watching the weather channel? There's a drunk-front coming in, with a chance of...

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

Mmmmmmm. donuts/beer/erotic cakes.

Mmmmmmm. donuts/beer/erotic cakes.

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

She came onto him like a slow movin' cold front -- His beer was warmer...

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest...

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest...

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions...

Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions...

Their marketing strategy had to be changed to the young people. That's who buys the...

Their marketing strategy had to be changed to the young people. That's who buys the...

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer.

I'm gonna drink lots of beer and stay out all night.

I'm gonna drink lots of beer and stay out all night.