I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Exercise Quotes

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

The weariest and most loathed worldly life, that age, ache, penury and imprisonment can lay...

The weariest and most loathed worldly life, that age, ache, penury and imprisonment can lay...

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough....

While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough....