I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I...

At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I...

You write about what you know.

You write about what you know.

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't...

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

Drugs scared me.

Drugs scared me.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were...

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about...

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about...

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...