I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one...

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one...

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that...

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about...

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally...

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...