Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally...

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally...

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with...

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that...

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that...

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were...

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

Drugs scared me.

Drugs scared me.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one...

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one...

You write about what you know.

You write about what you know.