I'm a walking, talking enigma.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one...

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the...

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the...

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

You write about what you know.

You write about what you know.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.