I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good...

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with...

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with...

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the...

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of...

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally...

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally...

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that...

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...