I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but...

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that...

You write about what you know.

You write about what you know.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man...

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of...

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of...

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home...

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for...

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.