Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Quote by Johnny Carson

Topics: Hurt Feelings Quotes

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you

Women gain weight after marriage. Men gain weight after divorce.

Women gain weight after marriage. Men gain weight after divorce.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like a nice man?

When a woman behaves like a man why doesn't she behave like a nice man?

The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food.

The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food.

Whenever a separation is made between liberty and justice, neither, in my opinion, is safe.

Whenever a separation is made between liberty and justice, neither, in my opinion, is safe.