If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Quote by Johnny Carson

Topics: Johnny Carson Quotes

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen...

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen...

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.