Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Quote by Johnny Carson

Topics: Funny Quotes, Thanksgiving Quotes

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

The most expensive habit in the world is celluloid, not heroin, and I need a...

The most expensive habit in the world is celluloid, not heroin, and I need a...

I'm a Hollywood Trainwreck.

I'm a Hollywood Trainwreck.

But because it was able to balance that kind of humor with a sweet story...

But because it was able to balance that kind of humor with a sweet story...

When David [Arquette] and I got engaged we started therapy together. I'd heard that the...

When David [Arquette] and I got engaged we started therapy together. I'd heard that the...