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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace...

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little...

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

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Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

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That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

,

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

, ,

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

,

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...