You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, See if you can blow this out.

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

Topics: Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little...

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to...

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to...

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are...

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are...

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing....

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing....

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.

I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their...

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their...

Everything you read in newspapers is absolutely true, except for that rare story of which...

Everything you read in newspapers is absolutely true, except for that rare story of which...