Quotes by Jack Benny

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

#Funny, #Jokes

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

#Children, #Funny

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

#Death, #Funny

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

#Age

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

#Men And Women

Gags die, humor doesn't.

#Humor

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

#Jack Benny

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

#Jack Benny

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

#Jack Benny

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

#Jack Benny

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

#Jack Benny

Modesty is my best quality.

#Jack Benny