My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Quote by Jack Benny

Topics: Men And Women Quotes

Gags die, humor doesn't

Gags die, humor doesn't

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Modesty is my best quality.

Modesty is my best quality.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Modesty is my best quality

Modesty is my best quality

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.