I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Quote by Jack Benny

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Modesty is my best quality

Modesty is my best quality

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Modesty is my best quality.

Modesty is my best quality.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Gags die, humor doesn't

Gags die, humor doesn't

I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a...

I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a...

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

The aim of life is some way of living, as flexible and gentle as human...

The aim of life is some way of living, as flexible and gentle as human...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Perhaps naively I thought people understand what humor was, that it was invented by the...

Perhaps naively I thought people understand what humor was, that it was invented by the...

Every disasters screams for humor

Every disasters screams for humor

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.