Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Quote by Jack Benny

Topics: Jack Benny Quotes

Modesty is my best quality.

Modesty is my best quality.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

Modesty is my best quality

Modesty is my best quality

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Gags die, humor doesn't

Gags die, humor doesn't

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them

A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them

Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.

Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.

Fire, the sea, and woman; these are three ills

Fire, the sea, and woman; these are three ills

Women thrive on novelty and are easy meat for the commerce of fashion. Men prefer...

Women thrive on novelty and are easy meat for the commerce of fashion. Men prefer...

A woman's whole life is a history of the affections.

A woman's whole life is a history of the affections.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he...

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he...