I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Quote by Jack Benny

Topics: Jack Benny Quotes

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Modesty is my best quality

Modesty is my best quality

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck...

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have...

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't...

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

Modesty is my best quality.

Modesty is my best quality.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

Gags die, humor doesn't

Gags die, humor doesn't

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.