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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

Religion is just mind control

Religion is just mind control

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

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Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

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The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

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Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

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Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.