Quotes by George Carlin

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

#Driving, #Funny

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

#Euphemism

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

#Church, #Humor, #Nations

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

#Alcohol, #Funny, #Humor

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

#Libraries

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

#Children, #Family, #Memory

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

#Movies

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

#Reason

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

#Singers And Singing

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

#Self-esteem

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

#Smile

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

#Church, #Humor, #Nations