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I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport...

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I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport...

It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to...

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It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to...

George washington said We would have a black president when pigs fly!... well, swine flu.

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George washington said We would have a black president when pigs fly!... well, swine flu.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by...

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Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by...

Middle age is when youre faced with two temptations and you choose the one that...

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Middle age is when youre faced with two temptations and you choose the one that...

You can tell a lot about a fellows character by the way he eats jelly...

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You can tell a lot about a fellows character by the way he eats jelly...

When youre up to your armpits in alligators, its hard to remember to drain the...

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When youre up to your armpits in alligators, its hard to remember to drain the...

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

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My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run.

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Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run.

When I came here, I couldn't speak a word of English, but my sex life...

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When I came here, I couldn't speak a word of English, but my sex life...

Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

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Sometimes I'm so sweet even I can't stand it.

She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.

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She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to...

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The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to...

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

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A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the...

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You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the...

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

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About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

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Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...