You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Quote by Dean Martin

Topics: Drink Quotes, Funny Quotes

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I...

I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I...

Housekeeping ain't no joke

Housekeeping ain't no joke

Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune.

Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune.

I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It...

I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It...

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and...

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and...

The joy of engineering is to find a straight line on a double logarithmic diagram.

The joy of engineering is to find a straight line on a double logarithmic diagram.

Teenage boys, goaded by their surging hormones run in packs like the primal horde. They...

Teenage boys, goaded by their surging hormones run in packs like the primal horde. They...

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.

All I know is that you love me...in my dreams.

Nobody cares that youre smart and nobody cares that your kids dont have bruises.

Nobody cares that youre smart and nobody cares that your kids dont have bruises.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.