You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Quote by Dean Martin

Topics: Drink Quotes, Funny Quotes

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Happy Leap Day! Use it to do something adventurous that you'd never normally do! Now...

Happy Leap Day! Use it to do something adventurous that you'd never normally do! Now...

Happy Leap Day! Anyone else hear 2pac is coming back today?

Happy Leap Day! Anyone else hear 2pac is coming back today?

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy...

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy...

Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.

Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

No one has ever come back from the other world. I can't console you, but...

No one has ever come back from the other world. I can't console you, but...

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.

She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.

She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.