Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are...

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are...

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has...

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has...

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for...

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for...

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the...

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and...

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and...

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then...

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then...

The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The...

The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete...

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.