Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

There is no off position on the genius switch.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of...

There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of...

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you...

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you...

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then...

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then...

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were...

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.

People Express is clearly the archetypical deregulation success story and the most spectacular of my...

People Express is clearly the archetypical deregulation success story and the most spectacular of my...