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You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what...

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what...

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad...

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad...

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look...

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look...

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever....

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever....

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what...

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what...

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with...

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with...

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what...

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what...

It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if...

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if...

I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

I have lived long enough. My way of life is to fall into the sere,...

I have lived long enough. My way of life is to fall into the sere,...

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...

Kill if you must, but never hate: Man is but grass and hate is blight,...

Kill if you must, but never hate: Man is but grass and hate is blight,...

Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humor.

Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humor.

A job on a newspaper is a special thing. Every day you take something that...

A job on a newspaper is a special thing. Every day you take something that...