What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

Quote by Scott Roeben

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is...

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

Men are sad because they have to die so soon, women are sad because they...

Men are sad because they have to die so soon, women are sad because they...

What I am defending is the real rights of women. A woman should have the...

What I am defending is the real rights of women. A woman should have the...

A woman is like a horse: He who can drive her is her master.

A woman is like a horse: He who can drive her is her master.

Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom...

Any one must see at a glance that if men and women marry those whom...

A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her...

A woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her...

Ross: What if there is only one woman for everybody? You know. What if I...

Ross: What if there is only one woman for everybody? You know. What if I...

There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those...

There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

A woman who has made fun of her husband can love him no more

A woman who has made fun of her husband can love him no more

It is the duty of every cultured man or woman to read sympathetically the scriptures...

It is the duty of every cultured man or woman to read sympathetically the scriptures...

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another...

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another...

Young men and young women meet each other with much less difficulty than was formerly...

Young men and young women meet each other with much less difficulty than was formerly...