What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

Quote by Scott Roeben

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is...

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is...

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore,...

Every time you date someone with an issue that you have to work to ignore,...

Date sideways, never up or down. sideways is usually a more comfortable position for both...

Date sideways, never up or down. sideways is usually a more comfortable position for both...

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. -Evan

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca. -Evan

Makeup and high heels are a plus, but a great smile and personality should be...

Makeup and high heels are a plus, but a great smile and personality should be...

Always remember this: 'A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Always remember this: 'A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.

It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.

I prefer ordinary girls - you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most...

I prefer ordinary girls - you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most...

In a relationship; You becomes Us. I becomes We and They become Haters.

In a relationship; You becomes Us. I becomes We and They become Haters.

Secret forces are bringing compatible spirits together. If the man permits himself to be led...

Secret forces are bringing compatible spirits together. If the man permits himself to be led...

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only...

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only...

Youth is a silly, vapid state, Old age with fears and ills is rife; This...

Youth is a silly, vapid state, Old age with fears and ills is rife; This...