What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

Quote by Scott Roeben

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is...

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

The parents age must be remembered, both for joy and anxiety.

The parents age must be remembered, both for joy and anxiety.

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

A widow of doubtful age will marry almost any sort of a white man.

A widow of doubtful age will marry almost any sort of a white man.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...

I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...

It is my art. I am better at it than I ever was. And I...

It is my art. I am better at it than I ever was. And I...

That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present.

That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present.

I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's...

I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's...

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

100 calorie packs aren't so bad if you have 3 or 4 of them.

100 calorie packs aren't so bad if you have 3 or 4 of them.

When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up,...

When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up,...

Minneapolis has two seasons: Road Removal and Snow Repair.

Minneapolis has two seasons: Road Removal and Snow Repair.

For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies

For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies