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Related Quotes

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his...

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his...

Though I look old, yet I am strong and lusty; for in my youth I...

Though I look old, yet I am strong and lusty; for in my youth I...

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon,...

Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon,...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who...

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who...

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the...

Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the...

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half...

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half...

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.

Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried...

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried...

There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, till all men walk on...

There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, till all men walk on...

We're all citizens of the womb, before we subdivide into sexes and shades- this side,...

We're all citizens of the womb, before we subdivide into sexes and shades- this side,...