Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

A good college is like unprotected sex: Glad you got in, wish you never came.

A good college is like unprotected sex: Glad you got in, wish you never came.