Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'
Funny Facebook Status Quotes
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.
I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.
No one likes change but babies in diapers.
There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...
Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...
An ugly baby is a very nasty object - and the prettiest is frightful.
Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...
If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then...
I've made all my money on my own without my family and I work very...
What's a soup kitchen?
Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?
I don't really think, I just walk.
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...
A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without...
Believe me, that was a happy age, before the days of architects, before the days...
If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.