24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Baby Quotes, Funny Quotes

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...