24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Baby Quotes, Funny Quotes

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go...

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine