The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in…

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Life Quotes

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.