The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.

Quote by Dennis Miller

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks....

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks....

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red...

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red...

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a...

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a...

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

I rant, therefore I am.

I rant, therefore I am.

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Just put down 9-11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves...

Just put down 9-11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves...

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in...

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in...

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to...

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to...

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found...

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found...

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers...

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers...

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

All violence consists in some people forcing others, under threat of suffering or death, to...

All violence consists in some people forcing others, under threat of suffering or death, to...

LIfe? LIfe? It's Death that makes life worth living for.

LIfe? LIfe? It's Death that makes life worth living for.