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Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red...

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red...

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was...

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was...

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found...

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found...

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is...

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is...

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was....

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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was....

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second...

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A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second...

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

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I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I rant, therefore I am.

I rant, therefore I am.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off...

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off...

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to...

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to...

I lapsed into rude.

I lapsed into rude.

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're...

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're...