Never take a blind date to a silent film.

Quote by Geoffrey Parfitt

Topics: Advice Quotes, Funny Quotes

I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.

I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about...

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about...

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the...

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the...

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety, other women cloy.

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety, other women cloy.

That awkward moment when you come home from school, look in the mirror and are...

That awkward moment when you come home from school, look in the mirror and are...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

Sex is a two-way treat.

Sex is a two-way treat.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula....

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula....

Never praise a sister to a sister in the hope of your compliments reaching the...

Never praise a sister to a sister in the hope of your compliments reaching the...

Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and...

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a...

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a...

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise...

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise...

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and...

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and...

Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.