Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear...'Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep.'

Topics: Funny Quotes, Monday Quotes, Sleep Quotes

I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.

I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.

A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.

A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it...

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it...

I do not know who first invented the myth of sexual equality. But it is...

I do not know who first invented the myth of sexual equality. But it is...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.

I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement. Of course He could have...

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement. Of course He could have...

There are two ways to do great mathematics. The first is to be smarter than...

There are two ways to do great mathematics. The first is to be smarter than...

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course...

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Fish are friends, not food!

Fish are friends, not food!

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old...

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old...

I'm a one-man idiot.

I'm a one-man idiot.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and...

Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and...

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.