If opinions are like assholes, then a lot of opinions wear Ed Hardy shirts.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Graduation Speech: I'd like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy &...

Graduation Speech: I'd like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy &...

Watch out, they spit!

Watch out, they spit!

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it...

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it...

I'm a one-man idiot.

I'm a one-man idiot.

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...

Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but...

Tony Blair is like an actor who doesn't really believe in his script himself but...

The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men...

The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men...

For age and want save while you may, No morning sun lasts a whole day.

For age and want save while you may, No morning sun lasts a whole day.

Imagination... its limits are only those of the mind itself.

Imagination... its limits are only those of the mind itself.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and...

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

The path of least resistance is the path of the loser.

The path of least resistance is the path of the loser.

It is not the end of joy that makes old age so sad, but the...

It is not the end of joy that makes old age so sad, but the...

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

This is the curse of our age, that even the strangest aberrations are no cure...

This is the curse of our age, that even the strangest aberrations are no cure...

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more than she...

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more than she...