Theres one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbors.
Quote by Clyde Moore
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
He who laughs, lasts.
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
You couldn't get hold of the things you'd done and turn them right again. Such...
Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no...
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when...
Happy Leap Day! Enjoy it while it's here...because like a Kobe Bryant pass, it only...
One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...
It's hilarious when school textbooks try too hard at being racially diverse. 'Brad, Latisha, Pablo...
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude...
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays.
You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer...
Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.