It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Quote by George F Burns

Topics: Drinking Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

It is the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which...

It is the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which...

How the hell should I know? Most of the people my age are dead. You...

How the hell should I know? Most of the people my age are dead. You...

A widow of doubtful age will marry almost any sort of a white man.

A widow of doubtful age will marry almost any sort of a white man.

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am...

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am...