It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Quote by George F Burns

Topics: Drinking Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

It's a huge change for your body. You don't even want to look in the...

It's a huge change for your body. You don't even want to look in the...

For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information...

For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information...

I remain unchanged, defiantly unchanged. Let the raw material stay rough and raw.

I remain unchanged, defiantly unchanged. Let the raw material stay rough and raw.

Well, youth is the period of assumed personalities and disguises. It is the time of...

Well, youth is the period of assumed personalities and disguises. It is the time of...