It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Quote by George F Burns

Topics: Drinking Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel. It is to bring...

Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel. It is to bring...

When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread...

When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread...

God makes, and apparel shapes: but it's money that finishes the man.

God makes, and apparel shapes: but it's money that finishes the man.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts...

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts...