I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

Quote by George F Burns

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....

There are only two kinds of people in the modern world who know what they...

There are only two kinds of people in the modern world who know what they...

Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous - not just to...

Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous - not just to...