It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

Quote by Richard Jeni

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune.

Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune.

The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling...

The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I put my hand on the dark skin and felt the chill of centuries long...

I put my hand on the dark skin and felt the chill of centuries long...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries,...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries,...

Love has no age, no limit; and no death.

Love has no age, no limit; and no death.

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand,...

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand,...

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy...

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy...

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it...

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it...

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

The joy of engineering is to find a straight line on a double logarithmic diagram.

The joy of engineering is to find a straight line on a double logarithmic diagram.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

The golden age is before us, not behind us.

The golden age is before us, not behind us.

I thank fate for having made me born poor. Poverty taught me the true value...

I thank fate for having made me born poor. Poverty taught me the true value...