It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

Quote by Richard Jeni

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first...

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first...

Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are...

Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are...

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper...

You couldn't get hold of the things you'd done and turn them right again. Such...

You couldn't get hold of the things you'd done and turn them right again. Such...

There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, till all men walk on...

There are some men who lift the age they inhabit, till all men walk on...

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the...

There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the...

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Architects and engineers are among the most fortunate of men since they build their own...

Architects and engineers are among the most fortunate of men since they build their own...

I saw Hamlet Prince of Denmark played; but now the old plays begin to disgust...

I saw Hamlet Prince of Denmark played; but now the old plays begin to disgust...

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than...

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than...

Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must...

Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must...

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's...

My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

Christmas itself may be called into question, If carried so far it creates indigestion.

Christmas itself may be called into question, If carried so far it creates indigestion.

Get married, in any case. If you happen to get a good mate, you will...

Get married, in any case. If you happen to get a good mate, you will...