It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

Quote by Richard Jeni

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

I should get a college art credit for the masterpieces I have drawn on my...

I should get a college art credit for the masterpieces I have drawn on my...

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

NBC - no body cares.

NBC - no body cares.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he...

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on...

To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

Teen pregnancy in the 90's: 'Damn, my life is OVER!' Teen pregnancy today: 'MTV here...

Teen pregnancy in the 90's: 'Damn, my life is OVER!' Teen pregnancy today: 'MTV here...

O loss of sight, of thee I most complain! Blind among enemies, O worse than...

O loss of sight, of thee I most complain! Blind among enemies, O worse than...

For, Heaven be thank'd, we live in such an age, when no man dies for...

For, Heaven be thank'd, we live in such an age, when no man dies for...

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take...

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take...

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her...

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her...

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower. Drives my green age that...

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower. Drives my green age that...

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make...

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make...

Poor in my youth, and in life's later scenes - Rich to no end, I...

Poor in my youth, and in life's later scenes - Rich to no end, I...