A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.

Quote by WC Fields

Topics: Alcohol Quotes, Funny Quotes

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own...

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own...

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to...

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Age is like love, it cannot be hid.

Age is like love, it cannot be hid.

Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.

Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.

I think he [Archie Bunker] is in every man my age, no matter what he...

I think he [Archie Bunker] is in every man my age, no matter what he...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

When I was young, I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the...

When I was young, I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

Congrats to LeBron James on his recent engagement and to his fiance who now leads...

Congrats to LeBron James on his recent engagement and to his fiance who now leads...

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't...

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't...

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend...

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend...

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions

You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal,...

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal,...