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Related Quotes

A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives...

A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives...

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can...

All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can...

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I...

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I...

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same...

I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same...

Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one...

Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

I've always wanted to get into a cab and yell, 'Follow that car!!!'

I've always wanted to get into a cab and yell, 'Follow that car!!!'

Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals...

Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals...

Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what...

Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what...

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a...

I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a...

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles...

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles...

Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didnt make...

Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didnt make...

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It......

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It......

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a...

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a...