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I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same...

I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have...

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can...

All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can...

A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives...

A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives...

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I...

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I...

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one...

Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one...

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but...

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but...

Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my...

Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

On the 12th day of Christmas, my Facebook gave too me, 12 stupid bitches, 11...

On the 12th day of Christmas, my Facebook gave too me, 12 stupid bitches, 11...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

Deja Vu is when God thinks something is so funny, that he has to rewind...

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark!...

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark!...

I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower...

I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower...

Easily the best thing about Facebook: The ability to read other people's fights.

Easily the best thing about Facebook: The ability to read other people's fights.

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...